her vagine was all disorganized.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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