While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Randomize
