is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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