You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
She has the best kind of daddy issues
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
