So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
