I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
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Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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