god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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