I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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