I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
