you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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