dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
