I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
