I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I am in a vortex of obligation.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
