Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
