you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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