I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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