So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
