i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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