If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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