I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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