Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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