Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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