she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
