STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
