She went from zero to smokin in five shots
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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