i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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