There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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