we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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