I can text with my tongue
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
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