Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
