oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
