so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
soo... how was my night?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
