If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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