he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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