Jerry, you need to find god
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
