I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Found your dick twin last night
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
