Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
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