Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
