had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize
