yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
