pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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