do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
