Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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