...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
