we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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