he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
