Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I FOUND THE LEGS
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
