real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
