Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
