I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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