well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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