I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
