Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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