he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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