My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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