this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
