His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
