you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
i need some magic done to my vagina
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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