Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
