I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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