Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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