Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
