You're a womanizer and a bitch.
My room smells like vodka and shame
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
