I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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